I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
