I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
