you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
