My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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