i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
