i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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