shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
