ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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