I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
