do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
