ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
