"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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