U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
