My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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