She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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