Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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