So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
