Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
