i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
