apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
