Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
