Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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