ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
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