i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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