Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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