just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
