I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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