eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
