Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
This house was built for laser tag.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
