Betty ford says i'm here all night
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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