so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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