I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
