dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
