I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
do herpes really smell.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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