Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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