***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
