That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
