I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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