No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
