smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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