What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
