Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
