I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
