Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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