I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
