They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
