i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
