and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
