Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
