if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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