How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
