2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
