So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
