i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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