I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
